[The apology seems almost strange to receive; not because he doesn't think she means it, but because it doesn't usually happen. The people who hurt him leave, and that's the end of that. That pattern has only just begun to break in Deerington, as he's slowly reconciled with Oz.]
i know.
[There's a pause, here, an uncertainty. He hasn't talked to her since it happened, but it's hard to forget the last conversation they had before it all went to hell. How he'd said she was one of the people he didn't want to lose. If she still wants to be family....he can't bring himself to shut that door.]
[she really is. she still needs to put in a lot of work to make this better, but she's in more of a place to actually do that now.]
I wanted to run away. I wanted to make it so none of you ever had to see my face again. But Yang told me that that isn't what real family does. And Ruby's willing to work together to make things better. So I'm not abandoning you, either.
[a pause. she's put a lot of thought into the importance of choice lately. if she's really a free agent, then she has to make her choices mean something.]
I chose you to be my family. And now I'm choosing to stay.
It has...been a long time, since anyone has said something like that to him. His thoughts drift to Raven, and he lets the ache wash over him and ebb before he says anything at all.]
i think i said back at the beginning that you would make a lot of mistakes and that the people in your life would tell you to do better so here i am, telling you that now
You and Yang and a lot of people. I don't want to let you down. I want to have the chance to fix this mistake. Instead of running away from it and leaving that pain in all our hearts forever.
[gods, does she ever mean that. it would hurt her, too, leaving Ruby and the entire family like this. she knows she'd worry every damn day of her life whether her sister were still okay. whether her little sister hated her or was willing to forgive or was somewhere in the middle. whether her big sister was disappointed. whether her uncle had backslid.]
Thank you for not taking this out on me. Most other adults I know would have the second they found out I'd made a mistake.
i don't know if there's something that can be fixed
[Her eye, after all, is gone. As far as he can tell, that can't be undone, even here.]
but we can still move forward as family
[She thanks him, and it crosses his mind in a bare flash that he has given a lot more leeway to Emerald than Neo. The thought doesn't particularly linger; it's unfair of him, maybe, but he has felt a kinship with Emerald for longer. Qrow's heart holds an almost self-destructive capacity for forgiveness, but only for those he already loved when he was hurt. For all others, the process is rather significantly more difficult.]
like i said, i remember what it's like learning how to be a less shitty person and hell, it's not like we can get worse off than where we started on opposite sides of the war we have time for now we'll figure something out
Yeah. It won't ever be the same again, but it doesn't have to be this way forever, either. If I were still the same person I used to be, I wouldn't even be trying right now.
Not even sure I remember the kind of person I used to be anymore, honestly.
[she expected that to take longer, but... she can't argue with where she is now. still struggling, but still putting in the sheer work necessary to make it happen. and she has people like Qrow to thank for that.]
I'm still going to be quiet for a while, I think. But just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm leaving. I'm just going to work on things as much as I can. And give everyone else space to process what they need to process.
if you were the same person you used to be, we'd be having a pretty different conversation
[A much angrier one, probably with threats. Something closer to what she expected from an adult.]
that's more than fair, though we'll find each other when we're ready
[Or perhaps when Deerington takes that space away from them. For the moment, it doesn't entirely matter which one it is. Emerald chooses to stay. The amount of distance is immaterial, in the face of that.]
but don't be afraid to ask if you need help especially if things feel like they're going out of control again, with the way this town is
I really, really hope the most I have to deal with is more weird town stuff. I think... for whatever it's worth, I think if she actually shows up here again, in my head or in the dream or whatever, I think this time I'll actually be able to stand up against her.
[it was bluster before, and it'll take a long time before she's ready to stop berating herself for her own failure. but this time, she's confident, and she knows why she's confident, too.]
Not to sound deep or anything, but she's the one who left me, and you're the ones who are staying with me through all this. And she can't walk that back, no matter how much she says she cares about me. She showed me who she is, and you showed me who you are. And I like what you've all shown me better.
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no subject
[The apology seems almost strange to receive; not because he doesn't think she means it, but because it doesn't usually happen. The people who hurt him leave, and that's the end of that. That pattern has only just begun to break in Deerington, as he's slowly reconciled with Oz.]
i know.
[There's a pause, here, an uncertainty. He hasn't talked to her since it happened, but it's hard to forget the last conversation they had before it all went to hell. How he'd said she was one of the people he didn't want to lose. If she still wants to be family....he can't bring himself to shut that door.]
how are you?
no subject
[she really is. she still needs to put in a lot of work to make this better, but she's in more of a place to actually do that now.]
I wanted to run away. I wanted to make it so none of you ever had to see my face again.
But Yang told me that that isn't what real family does.
And Ruby's willing to work together to make things better.
So I'm not abandoning you, either.
[a pause. she's put a lot of thought into the importance of choice lately. if she's really a free agent, then she has to make her choices mean something.]
I chose you to be my family.
And now I'm choosing to stay.
no subject
It has...been a long time, since anyone has said something like that to him. His thoughts drift to Raven, and he lets the ache wash over him and ebb before he says anything at all.]
i think i said back at the beginning that you would make a lot of mistakes
and that the people in your life would tell you to do better
so
here i am, telling you that now
i'll be counting on it
no subject
I don't want to let you down. I want to have the chance to fix this mistake.
Instead of running away from it and leaving that pain in all our hearts forever.
[gods, does she ever mean that. it would hurt her, too, leaving Ruby and the entire family like this. she knows she'd worry every damn day of her life whether her sister were still okay. whether her little sister hated her or was willing to forgive or was somewhere in the middle. whether her big sister was disappointed. whether her uncle had backslid.]
Thank you for not taking this out on me.
Most other adults I know would have the second they found out I'd made a mistake.
no subject
[Her eye, after all, is gone. As far as he can tell, that can't be undone, even here.]
but we can still move forward
as family
[She thanks him, and it crosses his mind in a bare flash that he has given a lot more leeway to Emerald than Neo. The thought doesn't particularly linger; it's unfair of him, maybe, but he has felt a kinship with Emerald for longer. Qrow's heart holds an almost self-destructive capacity for forgiveness, but only for those he already loved when he was hurt. For all others, the process is rather significantly more difficult.]
like i said, i remember what it's like
learning how to be a less shitty person
and hell, it's not like we can get worse off than where we started
on opposite sides of the war
we have time for now
we'll figure something out
no subject
It won't ever be the same again, but it doesn't have to be this way forever, either.
If I were still the same person I used to be, I wouldn't even be trying right now.
Not even sure I remember the kind of person I used to be anymore, honestly.
[she expected that to take longer, but... she can't argue with where she is now. still struggling, but still putting in the sheer work necessary to make it happen. and she has people like Qrow to thank for that.]
I'm still going to be quiet for a while, I think.
But just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm leaving. I'm just going to work on things as much as I can.
And give everyone else space to process what they need to process.
no subject
[A much angrier one, probably with threats. Something closer to what she expected from an adult.]
that's more than fair, though
we'll find each other when we're ready
[Or perhaps when Deerington takes that space away from them. For the moment, it doesn't entirely matter which one it is. Emerald chooses to stay. The amount of distance is immaterial, in the face of that.]
but don't be afraid to ask if you need help
especially if things feel like they're going out of control again, with the way this town is
no subject
I think... for whatever it's worth, I think if she actually shows up here again, in my head or in the dream or whatever, I think this time I'll actually be able to stand up against her.
[it was bluster before, and it'll take a long time before she's ready to stop berating herself for her own failure. but this time, she's confident, and she knows why she's confident, too.]
Not to sound deep or anything, but she's the one who left me, and you're the ones who are staying with me through all this.
And she can't walk that back, no matter how much she says she cares about me.
She showed me who she is, and you showed me who you are.
And I like what you've all shown me better.