[He fucked that up. He feels it the moment he sees her face, but what really drives it home is my family wants me dead. Unwanted. Alone. He knows only too well how that feels, much as it would ring far too hollow to say now. He deflates visibly, that momentary spark of anger that had risen in him crumbling as though he'd been splashed with cold water.
Fuck. Maybe it was for the best he never really had anyone to talk to about this, since apparently he couldn't stop himself from being an asshole about it on day one. Some part of him thinks maybe he should make an excuse and leave instead of subjecting her to pizza with him, except that will almost certainly end with her at a bar and he cannot simply wash his hands of that now that he knows. He closes his eyes a moment, searching for the words.]
...Sorry. I shouldn't've said that.
[But that's not good enough, not when it's obvious he meant it, just not ... like that.]
Look, I don't even know why Neo sent you my way. She of all people knows I'm kind of a huge asshole. [It's not like he's ever really been kind to her, save fishing her out from the rocks that first day in Trench. Hell, he's literally threatened to kill her if she hurts Ruby again.
He sighs, and his voice is tired when he presses on.]
I was being a dick about it, but my point was that I barely had my shit together with important reason to stay clean all this time. When you've got nothing to lose but yourself? Shit, forget about lasting a month, I'd be dead in a ditch somewhere in a week.
...Knowing that, I got pissed off at you calling yourself pathetic.
[They always do say the things that remind you of yourself make you the angriest. He knows better than anyone the kind of pity party he can throw himself. It was easy to lash out at the reminder.]
sorry for the delay ahhh ... wanted to do this justice and then time got away from me lmao
Fuck. Maybe it was for the best he never really had anyone to talk to about this, since apparently he couldn't stop himself from being an asshole about it on day one. Some part of him thinks maybe he should make an excuse and leave instead of subjecting her to pizza with him, except that will almost certainly end with her at a bar and he cannot simply wash his hands of that now that he knows. He closes his eyes a moment, searching for the words.]
...Sorry. I shouldn't've said that.
[But that's not good enough, not when it's obvious he meant it, just not ... like that.]
Look, I don't even know why Neo sent you my way. She of all people knows I'm kind of a huge asshole. [It's not like he's ever really been kind to her, save fishing her out from the rocks that first day in Trench. Hell, he's literally threatened to kill her if she hurts Ruby again.
He sighs, and his voice is tired when he presses on.]
I was being a dick about it, but my point was that I barely had my shit together with important reason to stay clean all this time. When you've got nothing to lose but yourself? Shit, forget about lasting a month, I'd be dead in a ditch somewhere in a week.
...Knowing that, I got pissed off at you calling yourself pathetic.
[They always do say the things that remind you of yourself make you the angriest. He knows better than anyone the kind of pity party he can throw himself. It was easy to lash out at the reminder.]